The Struggle With Self-Image

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What does the world do when you don't fit the criteria?

Will they shame you for not having a slimmer nose, high cheek bones, thin and 5'11 with long blonde hair? It's wild how society works. If you fly across country, you'll notice that "beauty" differs. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to have blonde hair or be thin, it's actually quite the opposite. And now in 2018, we're dealing with women needing to be full, curvy and voluptuous. Can't we just be a happy medium?

I've always been in between, either wanting more or less. And that's the thing, we normally want what we don't have and never learn to appreciate what we do have. Unfortunately, society has raised us to be unhappy with ourselves and position.

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Growing up Asian, in Southern Cali wasn't too difficult considering that times have changed a bit already when we moved to a different neighborhood. I was in a very diverse group of kids (thank god). They were all if any black, white, Asian, Mexican and or Native American. It wasn't until I moved here, to Sacramento that these things changed. Of course, when we're young, we know no color and or ranking in society. We just know that we're friends and we have a lot in common but little did we know that these things were going to divide us when we got older. Obviously moving up north had their differences because not everyone knew our slang terms or dressed the way we did. Beauty differed completely. I was pretty much an exotic person by the time I got adjusted, a new specie to the playground. Everyone was intrigued with how I talked, walked and dressed. It wasn't about them anymore, it was about me. It was if I emerged from under waters and landed into this new world filled with all sorts of unpredictability.

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
— Marilyn Monroe

I remember in 8th grade after coming back from P.E. girls would stress about how they looked or how much they weighed meanwhile I was careless. I just knew that I had a good time doing sprints or playing tennis... so really, why did my looks matter? It was so overwhelming and honestly really disgusting now that I look back at it. Girls were definitely mean and insecure about themselves that they started to spread their insecurities onto others including myself. They would talk about their weight as if they couldn't be any more or less than 100lbs. Some were bulimic and others were self-harming.

Beauty followed with race, as always. Some wanted to be white. Others wanted to be Asian but nonetheless, it seemed that everyone wanted to be something else but themselves. Features from different ethnicity had given them a step into the big world just because they were this or that... Beauty meant a shortcut, but it also meant dealing with less respect and misunderstandings. Everyone thinks that you get the high street when you're drop dead gorgeous but without the brains, what will keep you? As much as we want to play with our looks, we also have to keep in mind about our brains. Inner beauty is just as important.

I didn't have a rough nor easy childhood. I dealt with nothing major except for my best friend liking me and me not knowing what to do with it. Or best friends departing and other girls not liking me for no reason but their own bitterness and admiration. Sure, I was criticized for stupid things but it was only to get under my skin. And yeah, eventually it ate me up but honestly, it was a process to get me through. Maybe I did wanted to be skinnier. To be taller. To have feminine features and so forth but... this was who I am so how could I possibly want to be something or someone else? It was a waste. I couldn't rid myself of what the world, my parents had given me. I had to embrace them.

The thought process was... this was my life. Why would I care about what someone else thought about me when they aren't living my life? YOU HAVE TO THINK FOR YOURSELF.

And yes, I still have struggles till this day. Wishing my eyelashes were longer, my skin was clear and being more fit. These are all things I can improve on and by all means, it's not always possible. In this day in age, we are more programmed to go to an cosmetician and or esthetician to help enhance our looks, so don't give up. Even without all of those things, you have to remember to love yourself. Your self love will diminish others thoughts.

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Self-image is about HEALTH... AKA MENTAL AND PHYSICAL.

Are you healthy enough to train your mind that you're beautiful enough for this position and or person? If you're not, then you're not going to achieve the right type of success you have going on for yourself. I believe that all troubles stem from within, so believe that you are beautiful regardless of your weight and rugged edges. They are what makes you who you are and not only will you shine brighter but others will see you the way you see yourself as well... immaculate and resilient.

People can be so rude and upright disrespectful and that says so much about them, never you.

I used to despise my jawline, high cheekbones and thick legs. I hated myself... for a very long time. Without the love and right nourishment, you'll lack the light and kindness you had back when you were young. Don't let the world harden you.. Times have surely changed because now, I adore those features that I hated. They're my most favorite features of myself aside from my smile, of course.

Whatever it is that makes YOU feel great, do it. It's about you and no one else.

Beauty is your quirks. Your snort when you laugh. The ugly cry you make when you're sad. The mistakes you make. The crookedness of your nose.
Beauty is you.

All photos taken by @courtluvvv

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With much love and admiration,
missmaichi